Not In A Hurry

I'm not in a hurry... If I rebel to a holding time in "my" life, what does that say about this journey I share in hand with the lover of my soul? It would only show my immaturity. It would reveal I haven't yet realized the grandiose love of the Father to the capacity that He not only fashioned the stars and the moon, but has in fact ordained every step of my life.. In fact, it may also reveal that I've yet things of myself to die to...especially if I think this life is still "mine".. If I thought moving was a way to gain more victory in my own personal life, I have already started down a faulty road of thinking.. If I think I have to go somewhere overseas to "do ministry", I have been completely blinded.. If I allow my mind to convince me that being burned at the stake for the cost of following Jesus will leave the greatest legacy, I'm still thinking of me and I've perhaps neglected a greater call: to be a living sacrifice. On the other hand.. If I think letting God uproot my life won't result in incredible testimonies in my life and the lives of others, I've squelched the adventure of walking with the Holy Spirit... If I think the Holy Spirit is in the business of creatively dropping dreams in my heart just for the sake of dreaming, I've mocked the beauty of carrying the Father's heart and the excitement and glory He gets when Heaven meets earth... And If I think that being brought to a place of radical love for the bridegroom is not constantly a display and offering of Glory to God, I've put myself back under law and condemnation, and I've forgotten the mission of God for all mankind... I can speak with the tongues of men (learn Portuguese, Cantonese, Swahili, fill in the blank..), and prophecy to every soul I meet..I can raise 24 men from the dead and one-up Smith Wigglesworth who raised 23--- I can have visions and dreams and spout the great mysteries of God to the nations.. but if I don't have love, it profits nothing... Here's the point of everything we do.. the reason why we wake up every morning...our very existence all comes back to one thing: God passionately, zealously, and wooingly has man on His mind all. the. time. We can turn the other way and chase every other lover this world offers, but we will constantly, for eternity be written on His heart. I can never outrun the breath of God that formed me. And to prove His love, He gave us a glorious bridegroom--His Son..to come in flesh to win the hearts of mankind. And He will for all eternity be inviting man to come into His chambers and experience the divine kisses of His love until the day He finally brings me home in love. It's not gross. It's not impure. The kisses from Jesus are not unholy. And once you experience the invitation of intimacy, you are a mess with giddiness and your only response becomes "Take me away with You-let us hurry! Let the King bring me into his chambers..." (Song of Solomon 1:4) His love becomes your life motto. It's here in the chambers, you are wooed and delighted, and drunk ...it's the place where freedom sets in .. and it's the place where a fire gets fanned inside of you. It's this place where our hearts swell at the mention of His name. And in the revelation and dwelling of His love, you mature into carrying the Father's heart for mankind...it's here a zeal forms to run with God to anyone and everyone--because they too have got to know this kind of love.. If I think I'm doing anything for Christ for any other motivating factor, I need to go back to the chambers and be reminded of the intoxicating love that first called MY name. I am not moving to move. I am moving because that's what He dreams for my heart..but wherever I may be, I will run with the bountiful Gospel of love burning on the inside.. and for as much as I want to "run", I'm not in a hurry.. Jesus, I want to be mature in this love. Jesus, I want to disciple well. Jesus, I love you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvfCWpRKCnk

Got Fear? Let Go.

http://kaciecallison.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/dont-be-afraid/

Moving to Brazil

New adventures lie ahead...

For those of you new to this blog, I created it years ago when I initially started the application process of becoming a missionary. The Lord halted me, kept me in Springfield, MO, but allowed me to keep the blog!

Now, years later, after completing my Masters at AGTS, and through much prayer, I am off again (and finally!) to the next place with full assurance He is leading!   

This "next stop" is actually an uproot from Springfield. If I come back, it will be because He leads me back. Otherwise, I'm taking my four bags of belongings and "moving" to Brazil!

As of right now, I leave Springfield August 19th. Our agenda includes traveling the frontier of Peru and Columbia from Sept-Oct.  We will return to Manaus for a bit and then minister in Sao Paulo. Portuguese is the language, and no, I do not know how to speak it. However, I believe for supernatural communication among the people including tongues in their language!

I go expecting to see the release of the Kingdom in large measure because He is wanting to pour out in an extraordinary fashion.

Stay connected through this blog or by facebook/email. 

Pagnane3893@gmail.com

Also, if you'd like to support financially, donations can be made on my paypal page.
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Going to Bed with a Vision

Recently I was given the opportunity to spend New Years Eve with 30,000 other Christians parading and shouting the name of Jesus past midnight. Now, I can't speak for anyone else there, but I was ecstatic. I felt I had even more of a glimpse of what Heaven may be like as thousands of people joined the angelic choirs who have already been in the joyous repeat of "holy". It reminds you of how small you are and how big and loving our God is. 

Now, this blog is not written to criticize or rate the event nor my experience at it. In fact, I only mention the conference to give you, my reader, a context for the next couple paragraphs.The last few days following the conference, I have gone to bed hours earlier just so I could sit in my room alone with Jesus-- hungry to know Him more.  Food isn't appealing; hanging with friends, although sweet to my soul, pales in comparison; and even reading, which I love to do, holds no equal footing when compared to being with my God in the quiet bed of my room which seems like the most peaceful corner on earth. My hearts cry has been: Lord, how do I go to bed with a vision? 

Maybe you are not sure what I mean by that statement? I mean in the literal and figurative sense. When you have experienced the depths of the King's heart/love toward you, and now you either realize a bit more the capacity to which His Spirit abides in you and/or the Lord has given you a vision for future things to come for your life journey with him--experiencing that and then trying to reconcile how to (1) carry that day after day in this fallen earth and (2) literally, go to bed with it and wake up just as sure the next morning about it. After experiencing the depths of the King's heart and knowing that as His people, we carry a vision of Him inside of us, I don't even want to allow slumber to my eyes when I carry such a thing inside me. As silly as it may sound to some, I didn't want to go to bed and miss any moment with the One that I have so completely fallen for. Even knowing the next morning that vision is still housed in me, a heart in love wants to waste through the night with the one their affection is set on...

To put that in earthly terms: it's similar to the experience of when you first meet someone you are really attracted to and interested in- neither of you wants to part ways when the evening is done. Had it not been for responsibilities or parents, most of us would stay through the night talking with that person because you simply would rather not be anywhere else. Even when you recoginize during the conversation with that person, that you are hungry, you don't want to interrupt such a moment to focus on anything else like having to cook a meal-you don't even want to change the scenery because, to you, things are perfect right in this moment and your desire to stay there prevails among the hunger pains. (Note: This is part of the context for biblical fasting--ask me, I'll explain what I mean). And forget the thought of inviting another friend to join the deeply personal conversation you have going on with this person. That would be utterly out of the question because we all know this would change the dynamics of the conversation.

 Have you ever had that experience with the Lord? Let me say, it's possible...

In the meantime of asking the Lord the question above, the Lord reminded of several things:

1. While the Bible has much to say about sleep, the reminder for me is that my desire is normal and biblical: David hungered to the point of not wishing to allow slumber to his eyes until the vision he had to create a dwelling place for the Lord in his desire to build another temple, was fulfilled. And yet, it is a gift of the Lord to allow peaceful sleep and not anxiety to His beloved because He understands the frailty of the physical human vessel.

Psalm 132:4-5:

I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”

Psalm 127:2:

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Whether I'm sleeping in peace, or awake in the quiet hours of the night, the Spirit of God rests in THIS place, my vessel.

2. Keep carrying the Lord's vision and fight for it day unto day because the Lord's desire for us is to feast with Him one day in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, and this is what really matters among the hourly infiltration of earthly things that require us to stay somewhat connected and sane on earth for the sake of those around us unaware of the Gospel. 

Matthew 25:5: 

As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept.

Not me, Oh Lord. I will fight. I will stay alert and awake as I experience earthly and spiritual things.

3. Ignore the mocking voice or an attitude of judgement. It is way too easy to fix my attention on 29,999 other people who claim to love Jesus, and judge their lifestyle. And just as simple as we can do that, we can invite the voice of the enemy to rationalize our vision, dreams, and true revelations about the Lord...Jacob experienced this limbo with the Lord and his brothers..

Genesis 37: 19-20

 “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams."

But Jospeh carried the vision faithfully.. because he trusted the Lord, and he saw the bigger picture.

Genesis 50:20:

“Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intendedit for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives".

I have the power to fix my attention on the Word of the Lord, and refuse the voices that come from the one that longs to destroy all the Lord has in store!

Join me, would you, beloved?

How Far Will You Go?

I know it too, Misty Edwards. "There is way more here than what meets the eye". There is also way more in us than what meets the eye. Perhaps you received an update that I posted something new or maybe you simply stumbled upon this. Doesn't matter when it was written or when you read it; what matters is the timing God uses it to speak revelation to your thirsty spirit. My topic today is worship. 

We do not fathom on a daily basis the incredible glory God holds. That statement alone doesn't even come close to expressing what He has shown me during times of worship about Himself.  We think it's still about us. And furthermore, still...        we think it's still all about us.

During a worship set at our latest 45 worship event at our church, God's Spirit spoke several things through me. One thing I can't forget. (And readers of this blog, if you attempt to read this and it comes across as condemnation, then you have missed the heart of God.) God probed me to declare these questions aloud, "Child, how much will you risk for me? How far will you go? Will you stop where you're at? Will you allow yourself to be satisfied with what you have tasted so far? How far will you go? What are you willing to risk for me? I laid my Son on the line." The questions continued as I sang them out: "Child, will you not take me at my Word? Will you not approach my throne boldly and confidently (Ephesians 3:12)? I want you to. Did I not say if you believed, that you would see the glory of God? (John 11:40). Child, I am here for the taking. You can come to me freely. Ask me.   How much are you willing to risk for my namesake? Child, how far will you go?"

Chew on that. Let the Spirit of Almighty God speak with you. Then you can come back and finish reading this.

I confessed to a friend lately that I finally felt like I was approaching a season of being on the mountain top with the Lord. You know? Enjoying the view of what you just walked through in the valley back and below. That was about a month ago I said that. I had gone through several recoveries of some injuries, difficult financial/work season, etc. Then, all at once, it felt like I was thrown under a bus and kicked back into the valley. Work was demanding my attention beyond full time capacity, finals approached, my friend's father was dying, I kept getting bad news in phone calls, the list goes on. I thought "this will pass". Then, on the way home from a final, I get into a car accident a few days before a long planned and awaited vacation to the Grand Canyon. I'm told no doctor could see me before I leave, yet I'm stuck with a broken hand. The day before I leave I also get a phone call that my best friend's father passes away. When you know who you are in Christ and you live like it, the enemy is on your case. Thanks be to God  for the blood of the Lamb that covers us! 

I'm skipping around a bit, so stick with me-it will come together. So my topic is worship, remember? Here's the first question for you: Who/what do you worship? We all worship something or someone. So where is your time spent? Bigger indicator- where is your heart made glad?      In comparison, our problems appear bigger or smaller..  I have a friend who puts into perspective our daily struggles when he states: "first world problems" to my complaint of dropping my food on the floor or similar silly complaints of how awful my hair looks because I haven't taken a shower in 3 days. You may think, "Those are legitimate complaints". Okay. I'd like for you to foolishly say that in front of a child who hasn't eaten nor bathed for days and had it not been for the stranger who dropped their fruit on the floor, they still would not eat for a week.  Okay. Glad we are back on the same page-my food on the floor is trivial. YET, don't miss this point. Even our littlest problem is seen and cared for by God. Sometimes, we need a new perspective, yes, but that does not discount the nature of a loving Father. For me, hearing I might not have full mobility in my left hand again because I have to get a metal plate and screws inserted, was discouraging. Here's the thing: if I get real with you I'd say it's not even the fact that I'd lose the ability to play sports as well as before or it's not even the thought that I can't play piano for the Lord even though that would break my heart-the kicker was thinking I could no longer pick up orphaned children with two hands or that I was struggling to tie my kindergartners shoe when they asked me for help. Somewhere in the midst of mourning over these things, I find out the owner of the vehicle who caused the accident is uninsured and the person driving the vehicle has no license and is homeless. Talk about a bad day. I'm not sure if it's worse for me or the other guys. HOWEVER, in the midst of ALL OF THIS, my point is I choose to worship. The choice to worship, however, is not enough. It was my choice to gladly worship the TRUE KING OF KINGS that has kept me in a place of peace. I could have worshipped the earth for only drizzling on us while waiting for the ambulance; or I could have worshipped the doctor who so accurately performed hand surgery; or I could worship my insurance representative for being so kind. That will bring flattery which is not always bad. Or worship to these things could even worse, bring deception and a false sense of security. The choice of whom we worship has got to be defined. And I challenge you, if you are serious about walking with Jesus-keep worshipping HIM when the trials come. He is the Way, Truth & Life.

Once you figure out the true One worth worshipping, my second provocation to you is this: How do you worship? Is your worship sacrificial? This comes back to the original words God spoke to me at the worship set. How far are you willing to go? How much will you risk for God? If you're not in a place of laying EVERYTHING before him, He will point it out in love what you need to let go of. And maybe you are in a place of surrendering all things to him-job, heart, savings account, house, pets, children, relationships, thoughts, bad habits, your car, your health-you name it. That's a good place to be. BUT don't get discouraged then when the Lord tests you. He does. He will. And a true lover of Jesus will want Him to test them because they want to be found holy before Him. I can freely and restfully say, it's not a car nor my job nor my money, not even my physical health that I rest in. He's still teaching me. But what freedom there is when you start to lose all the things that the world has taught you has security, and finally after you're done crying over your first world, second and maybe even third world problems, you realize NOTHING can take away God's love for you. What a revelation. Nothing the enemy sends our way has the ability to remove me from the Lamb's book of life. Not unless I allow my worship to become distracted and I choose to walk away from the Lord because of it. But if you have your eyes fixed on your loving, heavenly Father, you will remain at rest. And let me add, after Job went through his disasters, the Lord gave him back more than He had. It's not just about finding the rest in the turmoil...

This leads me to the final point: WORSHIP HIM. Do you know that this God in the Bible isn't just loving? He is just. AND He loves to give good gifts to His children. During that same worship set at the 45, God also spoke these words: "Did you forget that I am the best Father? I teach all the fathers how to train their children, love their kids, discipline their children. Even more, it is I that teaches them how to give good gifts. But I know how to give the best gifts. Just ask me. Child, I know how to give the best gifts". And readers of this blog, HE DOES KNOW HOW TO GIVE THE BEST GIFTS. The Lord turns all this junk for good because I love Him, and I seek His ways above my own. He will do the same for any of His children. Just ask Him. I await patiently His good gifts of blessing from these trials, and I thank Him already for showing me how blessed I am to have friends and family, and a church body that uplifts and supports. This is his Word over me, "The Lord is faithful to all His promises". He knows our heart. He knows the things I continue to pray for in the midst of the trials. And He hasn't forgotten. And our WORSHIP UNTO HIM is what is paving the way for Him to do what He says He longs to do. Worship is my response to the truth. I can't help but falling all over myself in giddiness when I think about Him. Don't just claim to worship the one true God. DO IT. WORSHIP HIM. AND KEEP WORSHIPING HIM. Ask him the questions you are afraid to ask. Sacrifice the things you are afraid to give. Because the Father's heart toward you says, " I want you; I don't pity you. I want you, I like you, I love you."

Listen to this with your heart: http://youtu.be/DH1VT2PeGDw

MIRACLES: NOT FOR THE FAINT IN HEART

I cannot begin to express the manner in which I have been rocked this past month. I must share to the best of my ability in order that glory is given to the correct source ;)  First,

God, thank you for your Word that allows yours children to walk in authority and abundance bringing your kingdom as it operates in Heaven down to earth so that all men may see the Glory of God. I pray you use this testimony of faith to awaken hearts to hunger to know the truth.

About a month ago, I attended what is called "Bay Revival" which was held in Branson, MO. This is just what you presume it to be-a team of people who travel around the world bringing the gospel to set on fire the truth of God in the hearts of men; to demonstrate the power of God in a tangible way. Now, I have been praying for quite some time to witness miracles of healing and to walk out the fullness of Kingdom of God.

 Pause...because I have a feeling you are wondering what I mean when I say the fullness of the Kingdom of God? I mean believing God to be who He says He is and, therefore, praying as He prayed: "Let your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven"  (Matt. 6:10). "And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover." (Mark 16:17, 18). "Those who believe will do even greater things than these because I am going to the Father." (John 14:12).

My point is this: God didn't change His mind about how he operates and nor did He change his mind about His extravagent love toward his creation, BUT we won't experience either if we don't believe Him at His Word, and do likewise as Jesus did when He walked the earth.

Fast forward to the revival: I'm listening to the heart of God pouring from this man's lips as he fervently tells the crowd that God is in this place and wants to move the hearts of man. I'm hearing the words that God is going to heal people tonight. I'll be honest, I'm human. I wanna see it, Papa!-with my own eyes!
Your perspective on God is utterly rocked when you see a woman who before service was escorted in on her wheelchair- crippled and unable to hardly utter words- now jumping in the aisles verbally shouting praises to God. The friend I was with couldn't have been more excited than her, but he was excited enough to ask to have a picture taken with her (see picture below)! What about the young girl who was blind who received complete sight in one eye? Her pupil was commanded to develop and thus it obeyed. Her other eye was still being formed the next morning in the process of being completely restored. THESE AREN'T EXAGGERATIONS. And these are only two of the MULTIPLE stories from just that one evening.

Fast-forward a month:
This past weekend, Springfield, MO, held a healing and impartation conference led by Randy Clark, Bill Johnson, Will Hart, and Tom Jones. Look those guys up if you are unaware of who they are. In the simplest defintion, they are men who have taken God at His Word and seen His Spirit do the miraculous every day. During the morning and afternoons, there was teaching; in the evenings, healing services. Let these next stories sink into your heart: just enjoy the goodness of the Father.

The first night they prayed for anyone who had metal in their body due to accidents, surgeries, disease, etc. We heard testimonies from people afterward saying how while we were praying they felt extreme heat come over a certain part of their body and now they are able to do things they couldn't do in 12+  years! We see like people bending over, jumping up and down, running down the aisles testing it out. One woman felt her jaw actually shift back into place and the pain had fled. The second night we witnessed people with hearing aids and deafness receive hearing among many other miracles! I prayed over a man that his ears would open in Jesus name AND THEY DID. The best part about these services wasn't the healing though. As fantastic as witnessing these miracles is, the best part was the fact that everything that happened flowed from the power of a loving Father who longs to set His children free. After maybe 10 minutes of healing on any given night, the room would break out back into a spontaneous song telling God how much we adore Him.

For a long time, I had reserves and hesitations when it came to down "God" in general. I had been so under the impression that I need to have control- if I can't understand something, then I would lose control of my situationa and surroundings. Finally, I realized FEAR is why people don't ask to see it. It can be uncomfortable, pressing, and even wild at times. Let me correct that statement: A lot of the things God does are uncomfortable to my flesh, and crazy to my perspective or mindset. However, I've experienced the love of God in ways I cannot deny no matter how much my flesh argues nor in what manner my flesh seeks to make sense of it. My desire increases everyday to see more people walking in the truth of His love-because His love is the reason we see people be healed of physical ailments, mental diseases, demon posession, broken hearts, lonliness, poverty, hunger, etc.  Thank you, God, for your love that has no end, and your grace that shows me I can rest in knowing the truth instead of fight it.

"I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." John 15:15-17

This is the woman and my friend at the Bay Revival. Yes, she really was healed.

Disaster Relief in Joplin

"Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)
The first day I volunteered in Joplin, a team and I did debris cleanup at a house of a newly married couple. We later noticed "V" for victim written on brick of their house. I mourned and still do.

However, what a joy it has been to love on people through working with Convoy of Hope and people through our church and other organizations. All ministering is the hands of Jesus in an expression of love. Our God is near to the brokenhearted and needy. God did not say "My banner over you is love" because He was out to fool us. We are deceived and enticed away by our own sinful nature and by the enemy who is on the prowl to devour and confuse. Thank you Jesus for freeing us from a life of sin and death to a life of freedom- full of joy and peace. It is for freedom He set us free.

It's okay to mourn. I hope it provokes you to action.